As we move forward into 2021 and you commit to a new goal of losing weight, I offer you to focus your attention on developing your self-compassion. Why? Because when you are kind to yourself you can become your own coach, your own cheerleader and are a lot more likely to continue to take actions that help you to lose weight or maintain your ideal weight this year.
Research that has been carried out shows that most of us are not self-compassionate. Research shows many of us give up on our weight loss goals. Societal norms often portray women and Mum’s to be selfless and self-sacrificing, constantly putting needs of others before their own. But how many Mum’s do you see that are burnt out, overwhelmed, stressed, or feeling like their needs are not important? Maybe because of my profession, I see a great deal. I used to be one of them!
Many of my clients are overwhelmed, unfulfilled, stressed or feel out of control with eating.
Why?
Because they are trying to find quick fix solutions to numb these negative feelings which can be found in a chocolate biscuit, a mini magnum (my old favourite), or a few glasses of vino (also an old favourite). You might numb these feelings because you think feeling they might be painful.
Experiencing a negative feeling is not failing. Experiencing a full range of emotions, including the negative one’s is part of the human experience. You are not failing, you are not losing, you are being human being. Our job is not to be happy all the time. As a human being, our job is to experience a wide range of emotions.
When we are being self-compassionate, we are open to leaning into negative emotions and not avoiding them through emotional eating or drinking those 2 extra glasses of vino to feel better, or not feel at all.
But when I say self-compassion, you may resist because it feels indulgent or selfish.
Self-compassion does not create selfish behaviours. Nicole Harker, a Self-Compassion Life Coach and Doctor writes that it creates increased self-compassion toward others, it enables you to take responsibility of your own life and become aware of areas for self-development.
It enables you to live a better life, one where you have your own back, take deliberate actions, and don’t quit on your goals or when you make a mistake. Showing yourself love looks like having honest and supportive conversations with yourself – don’t worry, these don’t have to be out loud! These conversations involve you telling yourself (in a kind voice), the truth about your actions and offering yourself an encouraging pep talk; reminding yourself you are worth it, and you are amazing, or that tough times will happen, and they will pass. You might even look at them as an opportunity for growth.
By showing these acts of kindness towards yourself you are filling your cup with love and compassion. This means you have so much more to give others. Your family, your loved one’s and your community will benefit from this overflow of love and the role modelling of what it looks like to live your best life.
So, what can you do to start practicing self-compassion in 2021?
Look at the below list and choose one thing to focus on each week.
- Practice gratitude to yourself each day – write in a journal or share with your family what you are proud of yourself for that day. It can be things you did toward your weight loss, or general things you do in a day.
- Speak to yourself in a kind voice, like you would your best friend – especially if you make a mistake and eat something you hadn’t planned. If you are not familiar to the ‘chatter box in your head’ then you may just like to listen to your thoughts and notice how you are currently speaking to yourself. Listen to the words or the tone of voice.
- Have honest and supportive conversations with yourself. Being kind to yourself does not look like having a whole box of chocolates or finishing the bottle of wine. What are you wanting to escape from? Become aware, so that you can create a different strategy when you experience the emotion.
- Make a list of practices that make you feel better or give you natural pleasure. Some examples are a warm bath; cup of tea; walk with a friend; walk in nature; a meditation practice; looking at photos from a fun holiday; hugs with people or pets; dancing around your kitchen; playing music or an instrument; creating an opportunity to laugh by watching a comedy or playing a fun board game; reading a book; listening to a good podcast; writing in your gratitude journal…
- Be kind and curious if you make a mistake and eat off your plan – we are human beings and we will make mistakes. Think of it like trying to train a puppy or a small child. Be gentle.
When you can come from a place of self-compassion and kindness, you will not experience feelings of frustration or helplessness, but take responsibility for the way that you show up. You will be far less likely to quit on yourself and your weight loss goal. You can stay conscious to what emotions led you to eat off your plan and be supportive in getting straight back on your plan, without giving up or feeling that you are not capable.
I work with clients to find the causes of their overeating, to coach on areas of their life where they can introduce concepts to help them continue to build the relationship with themselves to honour commitments that they make, follow through on plans and to be kind and learn from mistakes. If you are ready to commit to up levelling your life and improving the way you feel about yourself and your weight, contact me through the contact page on my website for a no obligation zoom call to see if we would be a good fit.
Have a brilliant week
